Dear Eric: I have a friend I’ll call “Sally.” She is in her mid-50s and is single with no kids. Both of her parents are deceased. Prior to her mother’s death, she quit her job to care for her. Once she passed, Sally inherited most of her property, including her older van, condo and belongings.
She has sorted through her mother’s belongings but cannot seem to decide what to do with her van or condo, both of which are paid off. Sally has her own condo and vehicle, and has been paying taxes, HOA fees, maintenance and other expenses on these inherited items for years now.
She cannot seem to decide what to do with these things and keeps telling me that her plan is to eventually sell her place and move into her mother’s, which is nicer.
In the meantime, she is losing a lot of money maintaining these items. She doesn’t seem strapped for money and still isn’t working but is constantly on the go helping others (volunteering, babysitting, etc.).
I am concerned about her indecisiveness and worry that she is running away from her problems and harming herself by avoiding dealing with this. We are friends, but not super close so I have not shared my concerns with her. What is the best way to discuss this with her?
– Concerned Friend
Dear Friend: Instead of talking to Sally about your concerns – which she may or may not share – pick one part of her inheritance and ask her if she’d like your help in dealing with it. The van is probably the easiest place to start. Tell her that you’ve noticed she doesn’t drive it, and you have some ideas about what to do with it, if she’s open. You could help her sell it, of course, but it could also do a lot of good as a donation to a charitable organization that needs reliable transportation.
Now, she may not be looking for suggestions. But it’s likely that some of the decision difficulty she’s experiencing comes from being overwhelmed by logistics. This happens to all of us, at times, but it can be especially tough when paired with grief. She may need someone on the outside to offer her a hand.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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