HONOLULU (HawaiiNewsNow) – Mental health service providers are reporting a disturbing trend in Hawaii — more mothers are committing suicide.
Nonprofit Kids Hurt Too helps children who’ve experienced trauma and says suicide caused the death of one mother each week for the past two months. That’s more than the total number of suicides they’ve seen over the last two years.
One woman who asked HNN not to disclose her identity talked about the pressures of being a good mother and the stigma around looking weak.
“We’re all so afraid of judgment. If we weren’t, you would see my face right now.” said “Ren,” a 40-year-old mother of an autistic teen and caregiver to a sick mother and grandmother.
She said she’s struggled with mental illness since she was a teenager.
“A lot of people, especially a lot of mothers, don’t want to talk about their struggle. They want to keep it all inside,” Ren said. “There are so many reasons we don’t want to bother our families. We’re told that a good mother sacrifices every for their children. They put themselves to the side to the back burner.”
When asked what keeps her alive when she contemplates suicide, she said she thinks about the impact it would have.
“I didn’t want to embarrass anybody. I didn’t want to create a fuss. I also realized I’m a single parent. If something happened to me, I don’t know what would have happened to my kid, and that pulled me back a lot. It still does,” she said.
Ren is one of the lucky ones — the CDC reports at least one suicide every 11 minutes in America. And experts believe that is underreported due to stigma.
The U.S, Surgeon General recently warned of the higher risks parents and caregivers face with their mental health.
“Mothers are dying. That is it like period, they’re dying from mental health associated conditions, more than any other medical complication,” said Sunny Chen, executive director of the Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition.
“We really need to look at things like paid family leave and policies that really support families, so that families feel supported and mothers feel supported, and that maybe it’ll take the edge off and we’ll see less maternal suicide and substance use.”
Advocates say more parent-friendly policies and programs like childcare and flexible work schedules are needed to help address the crisis. Nonprofits are bringing resources to where they’re needed, like Lahaina.
Kids Hurt Too is sending a school bus that was converted into a mobile community center to Maui as a safe space for traumatized families.
“Finances due to inflation for households, both because of Covid and those issues, and also increased as a result of the fire, have made households very, very stressed and very strained,” said Walker Rowsey, executive director of Kids Hurt Too.
And you can help too — check in with coworkers and loved ones – and end the shame and judgment by talking openly about mental illness.
“Conversations are not always comfortable, and that’s okay. It’s about feeling vulnerable with each other and feeling that love for another human being to be vulnerable,” Ren said.
Mental Health Resources
Hawaii CARES 988 — Local crisis counselors are available 24/7 via phone, text, or chat to connect you with resources for mental illness, substance use, suicide prevention, as well as services for children and adolescents.
- Call or text 988 to be connected with somebody who can help you through a difficult moment.
- Call Hawaii CARES directly at (808)832-3100 or toll-free 1-800-753-6879 for emotional support.
- Chat on the Crisis Lifeline website.
Maui Nui Strong’s Mental Health Resources — For direct links to mental health resources gathered by Maui County, click here.
Disaster Distress Helpline — Call or text the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990 for immediate help and mental health support (press “2″ for Spanish).
- For Deaf and Hard of Hearing ASL Callers: To connect directly to an agent in American Sign Language, click the “ASL Now” button below or call 1-800-985-5990 from your videophone. ASL Support is available 24/7.
DOH Maui Community Mental Health Center (CMHC) — The state Department of Health Maui Community Mental Health Center is offering crisis mental health services and expanding hours to those experiencing emotional or psychological distress as a result of the Maui wildfires.
- To receive emergency services, Ccntact Maui CMHC at (808)984-2150 or via email at mauiwellness@doh.hawaii.gov.
- You can also go to their in-person clinic at 121 Mahalani Street in Wailuku. Clinic hours are as follows:
Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Saturday and Sunday, 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
After hours: Contact Hawaii CARES to speak to a crisis counselor at (808)832-3100 or contact 988.
Hazel Health — In partnership with the state Department of Education, Hazel Health is providing access to quality health care services for all students, at no cost to families, this school year. A school health representative can initiate a video visit with a Hazel Health licensed therapist while your child is at-school. Therapy sessions with Hazel Health are a safe space and are private and confidential.
- Hazel visits are available at school during regular school hours.
- Hazel at Home services are available Monday to Friday from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.
- To ensure your child has access to this service or learn more about the service, click here.
Xplore Counseling — Xplore Counseling clinicians are on standby to help anyone affected by the fire learn how to navigate tough transitions.
- Make an appointment by calling (808) 941-9648 or scheduling online.
- Intake hours are Monday to Friday 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
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